Gratitude: Practice becomes Abundance

The psychology of happiness is getting a lot of attention these days. Check out the book Raising Happiness by Christine Carter if you want the details. Essentially, we can all adopt healthy psychological habits that promote happiness, just as a habit of exercise promotes physical fitness.

Practicing gratitude is one of those simple paths to happiness. What an exceptional gift to give our children, teaching them to want and love what they already have in their lives.

Such a practice miraculously turns a sense of "wanting more" into a sense of abundance, a sentiment that is both healthier and more accurate.

Usually, our family takes time at the end of each day to reflect on what we're grateful for, but that habit has lapsed recently.

I'll blame the chaos of the back-to-school schedule.

To reinstate this our effort, I turned to the Gratitude Garden project at Big-Hearted Families.

Of course, this being fall, we chose to do a fall-themed version. We covered leaves gathered during a recent walk with contact paper, essentially laminating them. Using a hole-punch and garden twine, me made a lovely vine to decorate the dining room. Each night, we take turns reflecting on at least one specific thing we are grateful for, adding it to the vine with a dry erase marker.

Well, the goal is to add a gratitude nightly.

Last week it happened  three times. Still, it's an improvement over the zero gratitude reflected on during the previous week.

The children generally enjoy this opportunity to share their thoughts. So far, they've added their new cousin-to-be, school friends, and macaroni and cheese to their leaves. I'm looking forward to a fall full of colorful gratitude.

Get more ideas for a gratitude practice, including some really beautiful gratitude trees, over at our Pinterest board.

How does your family practice gratitude?

Connecting with Kindness

The fall schedule is bursting into full swing, and the best tool I've found to make our family time meaningful is kindness. I'm not trying to be overly precious, or trite. Or predictably the Big-Hearted Families ambassador you all know I am.

I'm being honest. We (regrettably) still haven't taken on any of the larger volunteer projects on my to-do list: a Meals on Wheels route, a monthly shift at the food shelf, or visiting the local nursing home. Maybe as things settle down, we'll carve out time for that. But here are three simple things we've have done in the last two weeks that have brought our whole family closer together:

1 book + 1 recipe + 1 kindness activity
1 book + 1 recipe + 1 kindness activity

1) September Book Club fun:Spaghetti in a Hot Dog Bun has been a around in our home for a long time. It was fun to dig it out as part of the September book club.  This book lends itself to rich discussion, especially at the start of the school year. Plus, the activity for this month, creating a kindness chain, has made each evening special.

The kids are sharing many small moments of their school day that they might not otherwise bring up, and even us grown ups are sharing more with the kids than usual. It's been a great way to connect.

2) Take and Bake: A few of our new neighbors have had some major life events recently. Baking bread or muffins and gathering a few garden goodies to share has been a great way to get to know our community a little better, share a little homemade, homegrown love, and spend some messy time in the kitchen as a family.

3. Upcycling. Check out our new Pinterest board, Kids Can Up-cycle.  In preparation for next month's book club activity, we've been exploring way to reuse t-shirts, and talking about the importance of keeping everything we can out of the landfill. This has sparked a lot of creativity, and a few notable improvements in our home recycling system.

Even when it seems there is no time for a BHF project, keep in mind that small kindness activities like these can be part of the regular schedule and make family time both joyful and meaningful.

Your Big-Hearted Stories

We're hearing from so many big-hearted families doing many wonderful projects and activities. I'm grateful for everyone's contributions not only because they are strengthening our offerings here at Big-Hearted Families. They also keep me motivated to try new projects with my own family! I hope they do the same for you.

I spoke with one family that is busily preparing Halloween decorations for two nursing homes! What an inspiration, and what a great way to help a craft-loving child put their skills to good use!

Another family we know worked to Feed Hungry Minds this week, donating books (complete with notes from the family), to a local charity.

Many families are establishing regular habits to make good deeds part of their family routine. Setting up a dedicated "giving box" for a local food shelf or homeless shelter is one of the most popular ways to do this.

Check out Traci and her family's effort to place a "give" box in every closet, keeping donations at the forefront of their thinking.

And when you get a moment, share you story with us, either in the comments section here or straight to my inbox at sarah.aadland@doinggoodtogether.org. Thanks!

 

 

Take a (Nature) Hike!

I love autumn. The range of colors in the park and along the boulevards makes my heart sing. I love the crispness of the mornings as much as that unexpected and all-too-brief heat wave in the middle of a sunny fall afternoon. Last week, I packed up our whole family of five and trundled them into the woods. As the baby gets older, I hope to live by that wonderful John Muir quote:

Keep close to Nature's heart... and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.

Not only does time spent in nature "wash your spirit clean" as I experience it.... It lends itself to the discovery of an amazing array of natural treasures. Especially in the fall.

My kids are hoarding leaves, acorns, seeds, dried berries, fallen needles, pine cones... the list goes on and on!

We've taken the kids on a hike almost every weekend in the past month. A good bug net, a bug "habitat" (or a plastic container with holes in the top for air and some grass in the bottom), and a willingness to let the kids set the pace make these hikes a lot of fun.

As you might guess, we cover about a mile an hour. Along the way we see, touch, smell, and listen to every inch of the trail.

Whether nature walks are a regular part of your family life or are vying for space on your list of things to do this fall, here are a few activities to make your next nature walk even more fun. (I've pinned them all right here, so take a look there if you'd rather have a visual explanation!)

Enjoy breaking away for a while!

 

 

Big-Hearted Gratitude: Fall Color

This week, we are thankful for color and the wonders of nature.

 

What is your family grateful for?

Routinely practicing gratitude is a wonderful way to pause and really notice the best aspects of our everyday lives. A habit of gratitude is proven to make us happier, less stressed, and even physically healthier. Not to mention the increase in generosity that naturally comes from a feeling of contentment and thankfulness.

Join me each week as my family takes a moment to practice gratitude.

And share your story!

Your Big-Hearted Stories: Birdseed Cookies & More

More and more families are making room for kindness and service on their family calendars. Whenever possible, I'll share their stories with you! One family we know decided to designate Thursdays as a weekly time for service, hoping that commitment would turn into a routine.

Mom, Nicole,  gave her six-year-old an option of simple projects, and he chose Birdseed Cookies.

They were all set.

Then the inevitable happened. With dad out of town and the business of everyday life stacking up, Thursday came and went without the cookies.

Mom planned a do over on Friday. By then, everyone was worn out, coming down with the sniffles, and generally grouchy.
As she tried to talk her son into the activity, Nicole tells me:
We talked about past service projects and my son told me that his personality is such that he only cares about himself. My heart sunk.
We've all been there! Especially when their overtired, kids know just what to say to push our buttons!
But mom tapped into her reserve stores of energy, or perhaps simply willed this kindness activity into being.
With some music, and the delightful, sensory messiness of mixing  birdseed cookie dough, both mother and son began to unwind.
After a busy, rather disconnected week, they ended it with a flourish of kindness, some hilarious dance moves, and laughter that forged the family connection we are all after.
Again, Nicole tells me,
I was reminded that this is the kind of quality time together that I love. Time well spent and a lesson about taking the time to do well for others.
 

Interested in more personal stories? Check out these blog posts from other big-hearted families:

Share your story, either in the comments below or at sarah.aadland@doinggoodtogether.org and inspire more families to make time for kindness and service, even on the busy weeks.

Assembling Care Kits: an easy weeknight act of service

Our resolve to actually put something on the calendar is paying off. Last week, amid gymnastics, piano, packing for a camping trip, and the first true homework assignments for Miss Second Grade, we completed a small, in-house service project last week. We assembled care kits for the homeless.

We actually encountered a few ladies who could have used a care kit last week on our way to a new park. When we saw them, our whole family shared the same sentiment: why don't we have those care packages on hand already.

During our regular grocery store visit, the kids and I grabbed the ingredients. We set aside an evening to assemble everything together.

Does your family want to assemble care kits for the homeless? Visit DGT’s project page to discover how!

The kids and I also printed out a little note, directing people to call the United Way 2-1-1, which refers people  to various services that can help.

Our reflection conversation touched only briefly on how grateful we are for what we have. The kids were more interested in talking about the practical distribution of these kits.

When can we hand them out? Who can we hand them out to? What if we are feeling shy?

These were useful questions. The kids have a history of doling out whatever they have to give to the first person they meet. We decided, for a number of reasons, that these kits are only for adults to hand out. The kids are invited to keep an eye out for someone in need, but actual distribution is a parent job.

I'm hoping extended conversations about homelessness, prompted by the questions in the "reflection section" of this project, will happen more naturally after we hand out a few kits.

I'll let you know.

Have you done a similar project? Share your story or rate the project here.

assembly line

assembly line

How will you support Doing Good Together?

Okay readers... It's pledge drive time... Please, don't click away! Hear me out. In case there is any confusion on this point, let me clarify:

  1. Big-Hearted Families is a project of Doing Good Together.
  2. Doing Good Together is a nonprofit organization.
  3. The resources, project ideas, and extensive tools shared both at Big-Hearted Families and at Doing Good Together are made possible by your generous donations.

Also, we are extraordinarily efficient. The vast majority of our funds are raised each October during our gala event!

And You Are Invited!

Take a moment to support us right now! Please!

  • Check out our ONLINE AUCTION HERE. (You'll have a chance to bid on some amazing items all to support family volunteering!)
  • Purchase tickets and plan to attend our event on October 11, 5:30 to 8:30 pm. (food, music, wine... and the opportunity to bid on some exclusive silent auction items!)
  • Make a donation here. (perfect if you don't need more stuff, can't attend the event, but want to show your support)

Investing in family service pays huge dividends: it helps solve immediate problems and creates hope by instilling the spirit of giving in a new generation.

Big-Hearted Gratitude: Little Miss Birthday Girl

One of the joys of parenthood is knowing another person completely. From that first, newborn expression of personality to the power struggles of toddler-hood, on through (I imagine ) every other milestone of life. I can somehow hold in my mind all aspects of this girl, now officially Little Miss Five. She is full of rainbows and lightening: all flash, bang, and snuggle.

And on this day, her birthday, I'm grateful for everything about her, from her sudden burst into our lives to her quiet independence. Oh, how she makes me thankful!

***

What is your family grateful for?

Routinely practicing gratitude is a wonderful way to pause and really notice the best bits of our everyday lives. A habit of gratitude is proven to make us happier, less stressed, and even physically healthier. Not to mention the increase in generosity that naturally comes from a feeling of contentment and thankfulness.

Join me each week as my family takes a moment to practice gratitude.

Food Waste & Family Dinners: Share your Insights!

Did your last family meal conclude with extras being scraped into the compost or garbage can?  Mine did. Now I'm haunted by last week's Science Friday, "Waste Not: The Ugly Truth about Food Waste in America?

It haunts me. They estimate half a hamburger wastes as much water as an hour long shower!

With young kids in the house, waste is practically unavoidable.

Learning to eat a well-balanced diet is a process - parents are told to try, try again when kids resist healthy foods.

And my little ones are truly poor eaters in between growth spurts. When they're growing, give them (almost) anything and it disappears. Between times, even much-loved dishes sit barely touched at the end of the meal.

I'm not a fan of waste, of course, so I save what I can for the next meal.

Often, those saved bits get tossed.

If this issues haunts you as well, check out Rethink Recycling and their article "How to Keep Food Waste out of the Garbage."

Most helpful was their List of Companies that offer food recovery services in the metro area. Given the vast impact of institutional food waste, I'm choosing to worry less about the small scale waste of my own learning eaters.

Instead, I'm going to check out the institutions around me. If I can help an organization or two redirect unserved portions to a local shelter, the impact on waste, and on the community will be significantly greater.

And by talking about this issue with my children, perhaps they will be more aware about what they leave on their plate at the end of a meal.

 

What's Your Hang Up?

Are any of you active on Pinterest? If so, are your harboring a collection of wonderfully creative pins you'll get to someday? Even if Pinterest isn't your weakness, surely you have a stash of fantastic projects to complete with your children or around your house that you'll get to someday.

And if you've been busy poking around our new Big-Hearted Families resources, I'm willing to bet you have a few plans to "do good" as a family someday.

I know I do.

My family has been talking about making contributions through Kiva since last January! Since last winter we've talked about making care kits for the homeless, so we always have something useful to give someone in need. I have an e-mail hiding somewhere in my inbox, waiting for a scanned signature to begin our participation in the Family-to-Family One Book at a Time Club.

All of these someday ideas clatter around in my head, jostling for attention between gymnastics and piano and the next camping trip.

I'm struggling to find efficient ways to turn these many good ideas into accomplished tasks.

So far this fall, I'm having good luck with three simple (I like the sound of simple better than the alternative... obvious) strategies:

  1. Pick one thing & add it to the calendar: It's official. We're making care kits on Wednesday night. It's on the calendar. The whole family has been informed. My kids are looking forward to it, meaning I can forget, or claim I'm too tired.
  2. Add ingredients to the grocery list: No need to make a special trip to the store for granola bars, lip balm, cozy socks and water bottles. We rounded it all up during the last routine errand.
  3. Leave enough time to reflect! Discuss the good you're doing. Discuss how good that feels. And use this conversation to motivate one another to pick the next project.
  4. Pick the next project... and add it to your calendar. Whether you pick a day next week, next month, or after hockey season, knowing you have set time aside time for the next event will calm that irritating feeling of being hung up by too many good ideas and not enough time.

How does your family get over the hang ups and begin doing real good?

Inertia is a powerful thing, and any suggestions are welcome.

 

 

Big-Hearted Gratitude: Sister Plants

This week's gratitude is a bit hard to explain. This week, we are grateful for our Sister Plants. Way back in May the girls and I mixed up two seed packets and planted them in a new flower bed. The sister seeds, as we called them, were moon flower, which blooms by the light of the moon, and morning glory, which blooms in the morning sun. And both plants are insatiable climbers.

My girls and I have checked them often all summer, watching as they wrapped themselves up around our deck. The soft, fuzzy stems of moon flower hugging tightly to the sleek, smooth morning glory vines.

They were slow to flower, but in the last few weeks, both the bright blue and purple morning glories and the unexpectedly-large m, white oon flowers have put on a show for us.

For that, we are grateful.

And for the many opportunities to talk about how alike and how very different these sister plants are, I am grateful. What an excellent, ongoing demonstration of sisterhood (or brotherhood, or all of humanity as the case may be).

***

What is your family grateful for?

Routinely practicing gratitude is a wonderful way to pause and really notice the best bits of our everyday lives. A habit of gratitude is proven to make us happier, less stressed, and even physically healthier. Not to mention the increase in generosity that naturally comes from a feeling of contentment and thankfulness.

Join me each week as my family takes a moment to practice gratitude.

Good Intentions

I sat down to write today, only to realize the conundrum of the moment sounded awfully familiar. Sure enough, last year, at almost this same time, I was struggling with the same issue. How do I make time for all of the things I hope to do "more" of? You know, more good deeds, more family dinners, more connecting with friends and relatives, more interesting hobbies, a cleaner house, a better organized life.... the list goes on and on. I'm going to spend a little more time orienting this fall's calendar back to our family mission statement while I share this (still relevant) post with you. Your insights here are welcome! You see, now that I have a first grader,  and all of the attending scheduling possibilities  (piano, girl scouts, gymnastics.... you know the list), I'm struggling to put together a calendar that reflects our family's true values.

In the cacophony of modern family life and all of its obligations, how do we implement our good intentions?

It would be easy to sign up for too much, but by nature, I relish lazy, walk-around-the-park time and silly, family-pillow-fight time. Instinctively, I want to protect those moments. This means I must be choosey about the extracurricular activities that are inked on our calendar.

To help keep us on the right track, we've created a Family Mission Statement.

Okay, I can hear the snickers.... It sounds corporate, doesn't it? And as it turns out, there is no end to the resources you could purchase on line or in book stores to facilitate the creation of a mission statement, not to mention some really lovely free options (like the popular one over at Simple Mom).

Our Family Mission Statement is rather homemade, simply designed to get us thinking about our good intentions and move us closer to executing them. Like you (fellow fans of Doing Good Together), I love the idea of intentional living, of responding to the strong tides of peer pressure (from both adults and children) with the solid guidance of our own, clearly-stated goals.

We didn't use any fancy tools. My partner and I simply sat down together and talked things over. We asked ourselves a few obvious questions:

  • how would we each spend free time if we could do anything,
  • what do we value most,
  • what are our top 10 priorities as a family,
  • what activities support these values.

The immediate result was a simple statement clearly stating the life goals we had already talked about in one form or another.

Getting back to my calendar troubles, the mission statement - more likely the process of creating it - made looking ahead to the fall calendar a little simpler. Each activity reflects something of our values, and each of our long term goals is represented somewhere in our time spent.

In terms of Doing Good Together, this means we've set a few concrete goals for family volunteering. We hope to adopt a homeless youth again over the holidays; we want to host a sandwich making party for the hungry in our community; and we would like to get acquainted with the volunteer needs of our local senior center.

With these goals in mind, we can be sure that doing good, practicing empathy, and teaching kindness elbows its way onto the calendar right along with all the rest.

Sometimes it even elbows out the latest athletic whim.

So what scheduling challenges do you face, when you think about doing good? How do you hope to turn your good intentions into reality?

Talk about Bullying with 5 Great Children's Books

We've seen the horrible impact of bullying in the headlines. We all know how hurtful mean kids can be. Worse yet, we've all seen the capacity for mean-spirited play peek in our kids or ourselves from time to time. It's not pretty, and most of the time I'd like to blame it on a bad night's sleep, but it's there just the same.

For a reminder on the many roles we all play in bullying, as the unhelpful bystanders, the victims, or the perpetrators, check out Dear Bully: 70 Authors Share Their Story by Jeannine Garsee. These popular young adult authors beautifully bring this issue to life.

Many schools, nonprofits, and parent groups are working hard to teach kindness and the golden rule early, with the hope and expectation that this we can keep this problem from escalating.

At Doing Good Together, we've shared many tips for teaching kindness in a way that empowers our children to be part of the solution.

I'm eager to keep this discussion open in my own home. Because books are my preferred starting point for big conversations with my little ones, I've put together this list of our family favorites.

Here are 5 wonderful picture books that will get my family (and yours!) talking about bullying and taking action to prevent it

1. The Juice Box Bully: Empowering Kids to Stand up for Others by Rob Sornson and Maria Dismondy

Teach your kids how not to be a bystander with this story. One classroom has pledged to stand up for one another and to earnestly live by the golden rule. When the new kid starts to cause trouble, these classmates challenge one another to stay true to their pledge, ultimately teaching their new classmate what it means to be part of their community.

2. Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McLoud

I know this book pops up on every list. If you are wondering why, then perhaps you haven't read it in a while. The message in this book is so clear and so motivating, that even the youngest children will set at once to fill buckets. Perhaps even more remarkable, even the oldest readers find it inspiring too! Thinking of bullies as people with empty buckets is perhaps oversimplifying the issue, but it does help us all empathize with them.

3.  The Recess Queen by Alexis O'Neil

I'm a big fan of this book, because my instinct has always been to turn to humor in tight situations. It's fun, it rhyms, and best of all, this book gives you ample opportunity to discuss how bullying begins and how to shut it down.

4. The Name Jar by Yangsook Choi

What's in a name, Shakespeare asked. For a child whose whole world is changing, the continuity of her own name may mean an awful lot. And friends who are willing to take the time to learn her name may mean even more. This is a great book about acceptance, friendship, and change.

5. Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon by David Catrow

Teach your children (and remind yourself) to be true to their own idiosyncrasies, in spite of teasing. This book will have your whole family cheering one another on for much-loved quirks.

And if you'd like to take your discussion even further, take a few minutes to do this simple Crumpled Paper activity. Even the youngest of children will respond to this powerful metaphor. Mean words last long after an apology, just as the creases in the paper remain visible after it is smoothed out.