We might apply the idea of a “messy middle” to much of life–switching careers, engaging in social change, even parenting/family life itself. Most of our lives happen in this space, when you stop to think about it–we haven’t yet “arrived” at the metaphorical place of organization and tranquility, but are constantly evolving our processes to be responsive to needs. How might we help our children understand the messy middle–its necessity, its tension, its gift–in a developmentally-appropriate way?
As parents and caregivers, you likely know all too well the daily stressors you face. The surgeon general’s report outlines the specific challenges we face at each stage of a child’s development, from sleepless nights with newborns to navigating the troubled teen years. The stress doesn’t just affect us as parents, it spreads to impact the whole family unit. And when we worry that our stress is affecting our kids, the cycle feels never-ending. The surgeon general’s report calls attention to this vicious cycle and offers actionable ways to break it.
In today's fast-paced information cycle, issues are often presented as black or white, right or wrong. When parents actively listen and support diverse perspectives on various topics, from child care to nutrition, they model for children how to understand and appreciate differences, encouraging a more nuanced and empathetic view of the world.
Mental health experts recommend helping young people build an understanding over time of what they can and can’t control. Bringing the focus to “how we treat other people; what activities we do the next day; what goals we have; who we spend time with; how hard we try to do the best we can” is something we can start in middle childhood to build a strong frame of reference in adolescence.
Buckling up for a metaphorical bumpy ride from time to time as you enter a new job, experience a change in leadership, or encounter a developmental growth spurt is something that begins at birth and follows us until life’s conclusion. The winds of change blow strong. With children, we sometimes don’t see the changes themselves right away; instead, we see the impact of the changes in personal barometers of behavior and mood. How can we as supportive humans respond effectively to the need for change and see the purpose behind the disequilibrium?
