As parents and caregivers, you likely know all too well the daily stressors you face. The surgeon general’s report outlines the specific challenges we face at each stage of a child’s development, from sleepless nights with newborns to navigating the troubled teen years. The stress doesn’t just affect us as parents, it spreads to impact the whole family unit. And when we worry that our stress is affecting our kids, the cycle feels never-ending. The surgeon general’s report calls attention to this vicious cycle and offers actionable ways to break it.
In today's fast-paced information cycle, issues are often presented as black or white, right or wrong. When parents actively listen and support diverse perspectives on various topics, from child care to nutrition, they model for children how to understand and appreciate differences, encouraging a more nuanced and empathetic view of the world.
Mental health experts recommend helping young people build an understanding over time of what they can and can’t control. Bringing the focus to “how we treat other people; what activities we do the next day; what goals we have; who we spend time with; how hard we try to do the best we can” is something we can start in middle childhood to build a strong frame of reference in adolescence.
Buckling up for a metaphorical bumpy ride from time to time as you enter a new job, experience a change in leadership, or encounter a developmental growth spurt is something that begins at birth and follows us until life’s conclusion. The winds of change blow strong. With children, we sometimes don’t see the changes themselves right away; instead, we see the impact of the changes in personal barometers of behavior and mood. How can we as supportive humans respond effectively to the need for change and see the purpose behind the disequilibrium?
People want and need to be seen. It is a fundamental characteristic of humans that we seek opportunities to connect with others in an authentic way. We want to feel noticed and valued as a member of the human community. We want to understand AND be understood. This connection is vital to our feelings of safety and happiness, and ultimately is foundational to our ability to work through challenges, think critically, be planful, and other executive function skills. How can adults use that in-born inclination to shine a light on actions that we wish to reinforce in our children?
As adults, we have a better sense of what is within our locus of control and how we can approach solving problems from our mature perspective, whereas young children see a lot of problems as big and insurmountable even if they are not. The good news is that we can cultivate the growth of our child’s sense of helpfulness over time in ways that match their developmental stage, while teaching about both agency AND the interconnectedness of humanity.
The last few years have pushed us to our limits as we watch our world become more and more polarized over conversations around gun laws, mental health, the pandemic, race, and a war that rages in Eastern Europe. It seems almost impossible to take a breath. I struggle with how much to share with my children, but I ultimately know that they need to hear the truth – in age appropriate ways – even when it breaks my heart to share it with them.
Here are my suggestions on having these challenging conversations along with some resources that have helped me – and might help you as well.
Making time to read and wonder together offers a comforting oasis in an often chaotic world, for both children and parents. To make getting started easier for your family, we at Doing Good Together have added several bookish acts of service to our growing Pick-a-Project collection.
At DGT we know that books give us the gift of perspective, a sense that we are not alone on this journey to raise empowered, engaged kids. The books we’ve gathered here offer
inspiration to try something new when the status quo isn’t working,
encouragement and hope at the end of a hard day, and
practical, doable ideas to help you raise kind, community-minded kids.
There is a certain amount of “Who am I?” and “Why are we here?” work that needs to happen during our early years. At Doing Good Together, we have found that a great deal of the inner work happens when kids have the opportunity to ask big questions with adults in their lives. Our latest post gives you the scientific benefits of philosophical inquiry and offers practical tools to get you started.
Since it came out in 2006, McCloud's book Have You Filled a Bucket Today: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids has become essential reading in schools and homes across the country. I recently had the privilege of chatting with Carol McCloud and learning more about her bucket-filling adventures.
The right book can do more than transport and entertain its readers. Powerful stories spark empathy for people we've never met. They inspire us to take action, to right injustices, or even simply to reach out to those around us. So how do you inspire your older child to put down the latest goofy series or dystopian saga and pick up a book full of big ideas?
Thinking through your responses before discipline is required is a common theme in all of these books and was key to my family's successful management of our behavioral low point (to date). Pick one, read it, and feel that much more prepared next time you face a parenting challenge that threatens to trigger an explosion.
