How (and Why) to Make Caring a Habit This Year
Many families have told us they want to put more focus – intentional focus – on kindness, serving, and justice in 2020. You know by now that a child raised to be kind does better in school and in life. If you need more proof that starting a "caring habit" can have a powerful positive impact on your child, read the short Executive Summary from this Harvard study.
But how do you find time for ONE MORE THING in your already-too-busy life? And once you've started, how do you keep the caring habit alive? Oddly, research tells us that taking time to help others makes us feel as if "future time is plentiful." That's heartening, but it doesn't mean establishing a new routine won't require intention. So we've gathered some science-backed tips to help. These sure-fire strategies will make caring for others (and our planet) an everyday habit.
– Jenny Friedman, Executive Director
ACTION
Follow this simple step-by-step guide to start – and stick to – your family kindness habit.
Begin ridiculously small. Beginning with a small "starter habit" will help you build a strong foundation for a long-term habit of caring. Be sure you don't increase your commitments until this "starter habit" becomes routine.
Try this: Choose one (just one) small service or kindness habit. You could sponsor a food shelf (this IS simple, really!); create a few homeless care kits to keep in your car to distribute; decorate a giving jar; share baked treats each month with neighbors, friends, the mail carrier or your local firehouse; or pick a small activity from our kindness routines printable.
Set up cues. Researchers tell us that "cues" are necessary for us to engage in new habits.
Try this: If you help a food shelf, put a decorated box in your kitchen to remind you to grab one item at the grocery store to donate each week; put gardening gloves and plastic bags in your backpack so you'll be ready pick up a few piece of litter as you take a walk or visit a park. If you want to send cheer to soldiers, children who are sick, or family members who are struggling, set up a card-making station with cards, envelopes, and fun decorating supplies.
Celebrate small wins. Offer a fun "reward" for each mission accomplished, but keep it small. According to studies, large rewards undermine the intrinsic incentive of the behavior itself.
Try this: After dropping a box of non-perishables off at your local food pantry, hanging up some fun tear-off posters, or sharing some kindness cards, stop for hot chocolate at a nearby coffee shop. Chat about the difference you're making and how else you might help out in the community.
Include friends and family. With exercise, you're more likely to go to the gym if a buddy is expecting you. You're also more likely to go if you've told people that you intend to go. The same is true for "doing good".
Try this: Tell family and friends about your new kindness and giving routine. (Maybe they'll join you!) Consider hosting an annual "giving back" Valentine's Day Party with your children's friends and their families. Invite your neighbors to join in a monthly park cleanup. Even better: start a Kindness Club with three other families. Meet quarterly, with each family responsible for organizing one project per year.
Put it on the calendar. Why do we regularly take our kids to soccer practice? Piano lessons? Not because these activities are more valuable than giving and serving, but because they're on the calendar!
Try this: Set aside the first Saturday morning each month or every fourth Tuesday evening to focus on giving. Visit our monthly listings and/or Pick a Project page to find fun activities for your Service Saturdays or Giving Tuesdays.
Once you've got a simple kindness routine established, it often multiplies organically. Dropping canned goods at your food pantry or your giving jar donation at a local shelter might lead to volunteering there. An annual Valentine's Day party might motivate you to add a giving element to other holidays or organize a fundraising event for your favorite charity. Soon, your children will initiate projects and activities based on their own passions and interests, further deepening your family's focus on generosity and caring.
TALK
Conversations about giving are critical. Here again, think about small steps. Try one of these approaches to share your values out loud and jumpstart those BIG discussions.
Find opportunities to label your family as givers. Say things like this: "Our family helps folks who are having a hard time." "Our family believes caring for others is more important than a grade on a test."
Start a dinner conversation routine. Each evening, ask: "Who did you help today and who helped you?" This will get every family member focused on giving and gratitude throughout the day.
Praise "helping" when you see it. By lifting up the kind acts of others, you're letting your children know how important they are to you.
BOOKS
Reading together is likely already a habit in your family. See if your library has these recommended books (or purchase a few) and read them together with your kids. Using these conversation prompts, any book can lead to greater empathy, and to conversations about important social issues, the fight for justice, and the value of living generously.
INSPIRATION
Nothing can make our life, or the lives of other people, more beautiful than perpetual kindness.
--- Leo Tolstoy,Writer