Fun, Summer-Friendly Ways to Build Resilience in Your Kids
Even in less-trying times, most parents try to keep their kids from experiencing stress, setbacks, and struggles. These days, with all the anxiety and uncertainty surrounding COVID, that's nearly impossible. But we can provide our kids with the emotional armor and grit-enhancing tools to help them bounce back from hard times - and even "bounce forward" as a stronger person. The trick is to build resilience. Fortunately resilience, which is actually a cluster of skills, is learned behavior; it can be taught and developed. Here are some ideas for instilling this trait in your child, and having fun doing it.
We hope all of you are doing well, staying safe, and taking care.
--- Jenny Friedman, Executive Director
ACTION
Adversity is going to happen. Here are some creative ways to help kids learn to manage and even thrive in the face of life's challenges.
1. Researchers say that the single biggest factor in nurturing resilience is respectful, attached parenting - and accepting your children for exactly who they are. Make the point by encouraging your child's unique talents and interests.
Try this: Expose your children to as many experiences as possible, and allow them time to explore without pressure. Then revel with them in each new passion. Spend time in the library with your reader, take hikes with your rock enthusiast, make lemon cake with your aspiring baker, gaze at the sky with your wanna-be astronaut, do experiments with your budding scientist.
2. Encourage your children to try new things and take (reasonable) risks. Remember to frame inevitable failures as opportunities for growth.
Try this: Present your kids with opportunities for healthy risk-taking. Depending on their age, it might be building a fire, using the stove, whittling (starting with a vegetable peeler before graduating to a pocket knife), climbing a tree, climbing a wall, using tools, or navigating an obstacle course. And don't forget other forms of risk-taking: artistic (paint a wall), altruistic (take on a volunteer job), and social (speak or perform in front of a group).
3. Resilience is all about finding sound ways to respond to difficult situations. To get your kids practicing this critical skill, devise opportunities for creative problem solving.
Try this: Pose challenges when playing:
"Can you build a garage for your car with your blocks?"
"How could you change this game to make it more fun (or difficult)?"
"What do you think is the quickest way to get all these toys put away?"
4. Optimism correlates with resilience. Help your child feel positive by nurturing gratitude, practicing self-love, and finding the "silver linings" even when life isn't going well.
Try this: Create a Wall of Love, go around the dinner table and name the best thing that happened that day, make a bucket list of midsummer adventures to look forward to, or begin a gratitude practice. And, of course, be a role model for an optimistic attitude.
5. It's often easier to complete tasks ourselves rather than to watch our children take twice as long to do them half as well. However, it's important to provide opportunities to experience responsibility, independence, and frustration.
Try this: Teach self-help skills by expecting your children, even preschoolers, to contribute to household chores. (Use this sheet to talk about how every family member can pitch in.) Let go of perfection; praise accomplishments. Encourage the same independence when it's more practical to move about, like letting your child do the ordering at a fast-food place or bike to a friend's house by themselves.
6. A key part of building resilience is nurturing emotional intelligence - the ability to navigate one's own emotions and understand those of others. People with strong emotional intelligence view their lives as less stressful.
Try this: Have each family member complete these fun templates, which invite you to express your emotions through art. Then share your worries and hopes with one another.
TALK
You can also nurture resilience through conversation. Here are some tips.
Help your child think through possible solutions to any troubling emotions, like sadness, frustration, and anger. SAY: It's OK to feel frustrated (jealous, annoyed). Sometimes you can calm yourself by taking strong, deep breaths. You can do better next time.
Knowing family stories of struggles can also build resilience. Tell stories about ancestors who lived through major hardships, like World Wars and the Great Depression. SAY: What can we learn from their lives? What are some of the challenges our family has overcome?
Instead of automatically providing answers, ask questions. SAY: Why do you think you didn't do as well as you wanted? How do you wish your sister would have responded to you instead?
Share positive, hopeful thoughts. SAY: A lot of people are working hard to get this virus under control. These protests are a signs of how many people are trying to make the country a better place.
BOOKS
Read these inspiring stories of grit, determination, and resilience in the face of challenges big and small.
Ruby Finds a Worry by Tom Percival. How can Ruby handle a worry that won't stop bothering her? This simple story can lead to important conversations about dealing with anxiety and managing emotions.
Jabari Jumps by Gaia Cornwall. Kids will relate to this summertime story of how Jabari faces a daunting challenge at the pool -- and finds his courage.
After the Fall: How Humpty Dumpty Got Back Up Again by Dan Santat. This charming story will captivate your whole family, even as it soothes anxieties and reminds us that we have the ability to overcome any obstacles.
Catching the Moon: The Story of a Young Girl's Baseball Dream by Crystal Hubbard. Get inspired by Marcenia, who won't give up after being discouraged from joining an all-boys baseball camp.
Flight School by Lita Judge. A young penguin believes he has "the soul of an eagle," but he's having trouble getting off the ground. His plucky perseverance and a little help make his dreams a reality.
INSPIRATION
"Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again."
--- Nelson Mandela, activist and former president of South Africa