Practicing Kindness: An Age-by-Age Guide
If you’ve been following DGT™ for a while, you know how critical it is to practice kindness with your children. This month we want to share kindness skills by age – which skills are best practiced when. Below is a break-down of the kindness activities your child will respond to at various stages of his or her development. As COVID-19 constraints continue to linger, it’s worth remembering that spending time doing good for others has been found to lower stress, anxiety, and depression. Enjoy these simple – and fun! – ideas.
– Jenny Friedman, Executive Director
ACTION
Preschoolers: Three-, four- and five-year-olds are able to show sympathy and compassion toward others. They can understand that everyone has feelings, use language to express emotions, and comprehend that sometimes outward appearances can mask true feelings.
....Practice kindness together:
Do some crafty kindness projects so your child can acknowledge the hard work others do for them: Leave a drawing for the mail carrier, garbage collector, or delivery person; celebrate everyday heroes with Big Hearted Awards; draw cheery pictures with sidewalk chalk; or take treats to your fire station.
Create a kindness quilt. This clever way of displaying your acts of kindness lets children know that your family doesn’t just talk about kindness; you commit to it.
Doing family chores is a child’s first introduction to contributing to the common good. Start with small “subtasks,” like carrying silverware to the table, throwing away a piece of garbage, or dusting furniture.
Begin a habit of picking up litter on your walks and in the park. Pack some small gloves and plastic bags in your backpack to use on your excursions. Get your child to articulate how it feels to take care of nature for all to enjoy.
Elementary schoolers: Kids this age can understand the perspectives of others and have compassion for groups of afflicted people (say, victims of a hurricane). They may begin to show interest in social and political issues.
....Practice kindness together:
Work together to organize a collection of needed items like diapers for a family shelter, canned goods for your local food pantry, or books for an under-resourced early childhood center.
Tap into their entrepreneurial spirit by suggesting a neighborhood lemonade stand, carnival, or bake sale. Empower them by having them choose a charity where the proceeds will be donated.
When it’s safe to do so, go on monthly Kindness Dates. This provides meaningful time together and shows your child how much you value living generously.
Volunteer in your community! DGT has monthly opportunities featured in these select cities and more!
Middle schoolers: Between ages 10 and 12, children are able to reflect in a more abstract way on what it means to be a good person, and they can begin to understand another person’s motivations.
....Practice kindness together:
Volunteer together. Find a cause that ignites your child’s passion, whether it’s fostering kittens, sharing music with residents of a care center, or helping at a soup kitchen. Help out as a family while imagining what it might be like to be on the receiving end of help.
Start a mini-family foundation. Get your kids involved in charitable giving by deciding together as a family where to donate your money.
TALK
Talking to your children about kindness helps them develop empathy and makes it clear that you prioritize caring. Here are some tips to get the conversation started:
Preschool:
Label and talk about feelings and validate your child’s own difficult emotions. “Your brother was sad that you took his truck.” “I know you’re disappointed that we can’t have popcorn for dinner.”
Point out examples of kindness when you see them. “It was so kind that our neighbor brought our recycling bin in from the curb.”
Emphasize that we’re all in this together. “We help others when we can, and sometimes our family needs help, too. The world is a better place when people help one another out.”
Elementary school:
Let kids know you value kindness. Say things like, “I think caring for others is more important than a grade on a test.”
Problem-solve conflicts together. Encourage empathy for peers by doing 180s with your child, asking them to imagine the dispute from the other person’s point of view.
Ask open-ended questions: “How do you think Sophia felt when her mom said she had to go home?” “What makes someone a good friend?”
Middle school:
Talk about moral dilemmas and share how you each would handle the situation. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers!
Discuss current events and how your family might make a difference through donating dollars, volunteering, or advocacy.
Chat about your own charitable giving and volunteering – and emphasize the importance of contributing to the common good. Studies show that when parents open up with their kids about who they’re helping and why, the kids are more likely to follow in their footsteps.
BOOKS
Research indicates that reading fiction promotes compassion. Whenever you read together, talk about how characters are feeling and why they took the actions they did. You’ll find hundreds of kindness-themed book recommendations here. Then use questions as a guide for making any story a lesson in empathy.
Preschool
Tomorrow I’ll Be Kind by Jessica Hische. Ages 3-5. This beautiful, heartful book will inspire everyone, young and young-at-heart, to treat others with more compassion.
Elementary
What Is Given from the Heart by Patricia C. McKissack. Ages 5-8. This touching story reminds us that we all have something to give, even if we have our own troubles. And through giving, we tap into new strength and healing.
Middle School
Freak the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick. Ages 8-12. Two boys, a tough guy with a learning disability and a genius in leg braces, forge a friendship and overcome a bully.
INSPIRATION
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."
—Dalai Lama, spiritual leader of Tibet