How the Pandemic Can Build Your Child's Social-Emotional Skills
Without denying the serious financial, educational, and mental health consequences of the world's COVID pandemic, it's worth looking at how we can use this unprecedented time to enhance our children's social-emotional skills. Our children are facing a variety of stressors – disrupted routines, loneliness, boredom, and sometimes severe economic strain. The research-based strategies below can help kids adapt to difficult circumstances now, but also build their skills to handle future challenges. Let's use this time to nurture those armor-building skills.
– Jenny Friedman, Executive Director
ACTION
Compassion and empathy: Considering others, even as we're trying to cope ourselves, enhances connectedness, makes us feel less lonely, and encourages helping behavior. But building empathy takes practice – and it's up to us to provide those opportunities for our children. Point out that by social distancing and wearing masks we are not only protecting ourselves, but protecting others – and contributing to the common good.
Try this: Encourage your children to make a difference for others, starting at home. DGT provides many simple ways to nurture compassion by doing "180s," reading with empathy, volunteering, and taking on simple "kitchen table" projects. Also think about how you can incorporate kindness into your everyday routines.
Recommended article: "How the Pandemic Can Teach Kids About Compassion" by Maryam Abdullah, Parenting Program Director at the Greater Good Science Center, University of California, Berkeley.
Optimism and gratitude: There's a lot to grieve now --- perhaps in our own lives and certainly as we see others struggling. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and anxious. And it's certainly OK not to be OK. But there's also value in focusing on the positive and teaching our kids how to intentionally nurture optimism and gratitude when times are tough. By focusing on the positives, they learn to keep their troubles in perspective and stay hopeful, even if the face of life's challenges.
Try this: Consider gratitude journaling together as a family. Make it a routine every evening at dinner or before bed. Even if your children can't write yet, they can share their feelings and draw pictures of what they appreciate most. You can use a simple notebook --- or put all your "gratitudes" in a jar or hang them from a tree. Also encourage expressions of gratitude to those who are helping in the community, often at risk to their own health and safety.
Recommended article: "Gifts of Gratitude in the Midst of the COVID-19 Crisis" by Jem Wong Boyle, Thrive Global
Resilience and grit: Help your kids manage difficult emotions using deep breathing, movement, art, and conversation. Consider daily "check-ins," inviting them to ask questions and share worries and fears. In addition, prioritize your own well-being. If your children see you taking time to de-stress and have fun, they will model your example of self care during tough times.
Try this: Create a family "self-care box." Place items inside that family members use to calm themselves --- stress balls, modeling clay, stuffed animals, favorite photos, massage lotion, essential oil, scented candles, coloring books. See our July newsletter for more tips on building resilience in kids during COVID.
Recommended article: "Ways to Promote Children's Resilience to the COVID-19 Pandemic" by Jessica Dym Bartlett and Rebecca Vivrette, Child Trends Inc.
Creativity and imagination: Imaginative play is critical for many reasons. It allows children to express their feelings in ways they're not able to with words. Unstructured outdoor play can help release tension, enhance health, and relieve boredom. Importantly, it can also decrease anxiety and distract kids from their worries.
Try this: Provide simple, open-ended materials (dolls, stuffed animals, empty boxes, blocks, art supplies) to encourage creativity and imagination. When possible, play with your kids. It'll give them a sense of connectedness and security, and you'll feel better, too. Pose "I wonder" questions, pretend together, write plays, build forts, create art, invent challenge courses around the yard, tell stories.
Recommended article: "Art Making Activities for Your Kids During COVID," from Artwork Archive.
Peace and equanimity: Peace can seem elusive during these stressful times, but bringing a calm and focused attitude to each moment is a skill that can be learned. Adopting these habits early on can decrease anxiety, increase contentment --- and help your children grow into compassionate adults.
Try this: Help your children begin a mindfulness practice. They can learn to focus on their breath by using a small stuffed animal as their "breathing buddy." Have your children lie on their back, place the animal on their belly, and watch it move up and down with each breath.
Recommended article: "Mindfulness for Children" by David Gelles, New York Times.
TALK
This is an important time for "emotion coaching." This means helping kids recognize feelings, talk about them, and develop strategies to deal with difficult emotions. Use these questions:
How can talking about our own feelings help us be more understanding of others?
Can you tell about a time when you felt surprised, happy, angry, nervous, etc.?
Have each family member list all the emotions they experienced throughout a single day. Can we each talk about what prompted these emotions and what we learned from our list?
How do you think you would feel if [a storybook character's experience or a friend's experience] happened to you?
What helps you calm down when you are experiencing strong emotions?
BOOKS
Our recommended books can jumpstart terrific conversations about difficult emotions.
Glance through picture books on Emotional Awareness to find stories about jealousy, worry, fear, anxiety, loneliness, resilience, and grit.
INSPIRATION
"When it rains, look for rainbows; when it's dark, look for stars."
– Oscar Wilde, Irish poet and playwright